The Story of My Max

I know I am a couple days behind.

On October 5, 2007, I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. Who to tell. Where to go. This news wasn’t any news a single girl wants to find out. My first thought was—‘How am I going to do this alone?’ I was overwhelmed with thoughts. I told my mom right away. I couldn’t keep it from her, I needed help, and I needed advice. Her advice was adoption. The first thought of adoption, I was scared. We got talking about it and it made more sense financially, the future of the baby, and the importance of having both a mom and a dad

. So, I started on my own looking at profiles on LDS Family Services. That was a bit overwhelming. I had no idea what I was doing. I was only 5 weeks pregnant; I hadn’t contacted LDS Family Services yet. I didn’t know that I was choosing a couple REALLY early in my pregnancy, I thought that was normal.

As I was looking at all the profiles, they all seemed like normal people I would love to place my baby with…Some more than others.

How was I supposed to chose?

I prayed for help. I prayed for comfort. That is when I saw the profile that changed my life. I was curious when I saw ‘Jared and Amanda E54’ (That will make more sense later). It didn’t have blinking and scrolling text. Their pictures weren’t interchanging. It was the only profile with a letter and number next to their name.

I clicked on it.

Their profile was simple and fun to read. Their pictures showed they loved each other very much. They both had steady jobs. I can’t tell you how many times I revisited their profile that day and from there on out.

That next day, October 6, 2007, I sent them an email telling them I was pregnant. I emailed them through the LDS Family Services website and little did I know I just left them my mailing address, not my email address. When I didn’t get a reply in my email, I was thinking they weren’t interested or another birthmother had contacted them already.

I was so eager.

My brother, Kenyon worked with a guy who he and his wife were looking to adopt again. He told me his name, so I looked them up and emailed them…I gave my email out on this one and got an email right back. I had told them that I was pregnant, but wanted a closed adoption. We emailed back and forth for a few days and then I realized how hard that would be for me (at the time) that this guy works with Kenyon and this woman takes her kids into the

pediatrician where Holly works. They would see my baby. I didn’t think I could handle that. Things fell into place and that is when I got a letter in the mail from Jared and Amanda. I couldn’t believe I didn’t give them my email! As soon as I got that letter, I rushed to my computer and quickly emailed them.

Since that letter, we emailed each other about every week. I knew I wanted them to be my baby’s parents. Throughout my pregnancy, I had thoughts that I wanted to keep my baby, but then the thoughts would turn right around and I knew I couldn’t. I made a promise to myself and to Jared and Amanda, that I was having this baby for them. I knew that they had been let down by a birthmother before and I could not do that to them. I wanted to put them on a firm hold, but because I wasn’t far enough along (about 13 weeks) they could only put them on a soft hold. So, for Christmas I gave them a photo album that has a 5x5 slot in the front and put Max’s first ultra sound picture in it and gave that to them and in a card told them I would love for them to be my baby’s parents. They kind of already knew that I had chosen them. ;)

We had our first face to face in the first part of January 2008. They asked me how I decided to choose them out of all the profiles. So, I told them about the ‘Jared and Amanda E54’. It didn’t sound very impressive like the stories some girls have…but it was mine. We didn’t know what the ‘E54’ meant; their casework explained that it is because they are located up in the Farmington Agency. We thought it was interesting and then continued on in conversation. (There IS more significance to the E54…you just gotta keep reading)

At 20 weeks I went in to see the perinatologist. The ultra sound tech was doing the ultra sound checking everything before the doctor came in, taking measurements, etc. That is when she discovered Max had a cleft lip. I was by myself, so I didn’t know how to react. I was afraid, I felt alone, at fault. I called my mom hysterically crying, not knowing what to do. She came over and met me and we talked. My first thoughts when I found this out, I just wanted to take care of my baby. I wanted to hold him, love him, and take care of him. I didn’t how to tell Jared and Amanda about the cleft lip and how they would take it. I called Lauren, my caseworker through LDS Family Services. She then called their caseworker to tell them. I received an email from them the next day telling me that they have felt a sweet spirit throughout my pregnancy and still feel the same sweet spirit.

My next appointment with Lauren (My case worker with LDS Family Services) went really well. After finding out that my baby had a cleft lip, she discovered that the Farmington Agency works the most with clefts and has a lot of resources. Going back to ‘Jared and Amanda E54’.

Maybe my story is pretty amazing after all?

The Lord sometimes works in mysterious ways.

He led me to this wonderful couple.

The Lord had already chosen them to be Max’s parents...I just had to find them.