Happy Halloween!!!

THEE cutest polar bear EV-ER.

Chocolate Truffle Cheesecake

I got this recipe off the Kraft website

...for all you chocolate and cheesecake lovers, this is d.vine!

I urge to you try it out.

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18 OREO Cookies, finely crushed (about 1-1/2 cups crumbs)
2 Tbsp. butter or margarine, melted
3 pkg. (8 oz. each) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
1 can (14 oz.) sweetened condensed milk
2 tsp. vanilla
1 pkg. (12 oz.) BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chunks, melted, slightly cooled
1/4 cup coffee-flavored liqueur (optional)
4 eggs

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PREHEAT oven to 300°F if using silver 9-inch springform pan (or to 275°F if using dark nonstick 9-inch springform pan). Mix cookie crumbs and butter; press firmly onto bottom of pan. Set aside.

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BEAT cream cheese, sweetened condensed milk and vanilla in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add chocolate; mix well. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing on low speed after each addition just until blended. Pour over crust.

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BAKE 1 hour 5 min. to 1 hour 10 min. or until center is almost set. Run knife or metal spatula around rim of pan to loosen cake; cool before removing rim of pan. Refrigerate at least 4 hours or overnight. Store leftover cheesecake in refrigerator.

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Garnish with Rasberries

***I read the reviews and people were saying that the crust with 18 oreos was too thin...so I put 22 oreos. I also used Ghiradelli Chocolate Chips instead; it probably didn't make a difference, but I'm a fan...Plus, they were cheaper.

***I also read you could use Low Fat or Fat Free Sweetened Condensed Milk and Cream Cheese and it still tastes great!

A Good Man

A good man is hard to find.
“Never make a man your priority when you are nothing more than his option.”
I live by that quote.
For the last two and a half years I have been looked upon as the option.

I no longer accept that.

If his “buddies” are more important, or he wants to “hang out” after he is done with his plans for the night—and I’m the one going to his place, or for a date he doesn’t come pick you up…I have to get that obviously, there is something wrong and I’m the option in this picture. I was so blinded to all this for TWO years.

TWO YEARS friends.

I’m just now seeing the picture.
I look at the amazing men my sisters are married to and see what great guys they are.

I hope to someday find one like them.

I am so happy for my Jill Pill. She has definitely found an amazing man that she deserves and is so happy in love! I am so proud of her and the changes she has made!

Excuses, Excuses

How much longer can I use the excuse

“I just had a baby”??
…oh, um, uh, almost 5 months ago!
I know.

It’s been almost 5 months and I still am fat… and losing my hair.

I think it’s time to stop the procrastination and get using the gym pass I renewed and start eating some JELL-O—not only will it help my hair grow, but make my nails stronger too.

This is how I feel...
Have you ever seen dough rising and all of a sudden if falls and the dough is ruined?

Well, that is what my beautiful stomach looks like.

A fallen dough road map.

Well, not. for. long.

My goal?

Lose 20 pounds…by Christmas—well, let’s say the New Year; that gives me 6 more days.
Achievable?

I will keep you updated.
How?

My work is doing a weight loss trial with their nutritional products for one month.

I am going to kick this weight in the boo-tay!!!

i heart this boy

I couldn't believe my eyes...

$2.99 friends.

Maverik had gas this morning for $2.99.

Woot Woot!!

Stints No More...

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about him.

He makes me smile from ear to ear.

He warms my heart.

He is truly the one bright spot in my life.

His beautiful eyes send me into a trance.

He is the miracle in my life that I am eternally grateful for.

He is the love of my life.

He is my Max.

Max had his nasal stints removed yesterday and now officially has nothing on his face but drool!!! YAY!!!

How handsome is this boy??

Oh, boy...

THEE most handsomest, stinkinest, cutest boy EV-ER!!!

*SIGH*

I love him.

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I was reading Mrs. R's blog yesterday. She spoke of another blog of a mother who asked her daughter what adoption meant to her. I don't want to slaughter a wonderful story, so go here to read it. I recommend you do, it will make your day! Children are amazing.

I know Adoption means Jesus loves ME because he blessed me with Jared and Amanda.

My Baby Babers Post Surgery and 4 months!

His lip looks uh-mazing.

It looks fabulous.

Here he is....My Peanut.

How could you ever in your life resist that smile?? I hear he is a constant DROOL MACHINE. hee hee I love him.

Oh, those baby blues... He's gonna be a heartbreaker, I tell ya.

His new facsination? His tongue. hee hee
I love the drip of drool on his chin.

The Inferno

I’m tired of being the pee on.
Tired of being talked down to.
Tired of being ignored.

I know the workplace isn’t always the peachiest place to escape to, but it shouldn’t be a place of discrimination, low morale and no ethic. The way some people have been treated is uncalled for. Gossip and back biting is always going to be in the work place; you can’t hide from it...I know that.

My guff is—you don’t have “enough experience” to move up in the company. How am I supposed to get the “experience” if you don’t give it to me?? Train me. Help me. Let me learn. I know plenty of people in our company who don’t have college experience and are in high positions, but you want “ME” to have college experience for a position??

My time is not occupied enough to keep me busy. They take away my only way to communicate to the other office…and why?
They don’t bother to tell me why.
They put a new inter-office messenger system on our computer system; then take it off.
Why?
I don’t know.
Was I abusing it?
No.
I see discrimination.
Why just the front desk and the call center?
Why not treat everyone with equality; or set them aside and tell them WHY?
I have no understanding to why they did what they did.
I am a little irritated.
Frustrated.
Perturbed.
Fed up.

I use to love coming to work every day. I have gotten my first ever migraine. My anxiety has shot through the roof. I come home angry and bitter. This is all so frustrating.

I. need. a. vacation.

The Story of My Max

I know I am a couple days behind.

On October 5, 2007, I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. Who to tell. Where to go. This news wasn’t any news a single girl wants to find out. My first thought was—‘How am I going to do this alone?’ I was overwhelmed with thoughts. I told my mom right away. I couldn’t keep it from her, I needed help, and I needed advice. Her advice was adoption. The first thought of adoption, I was scared. We got talking about it and it made more sense financially, the future of the baby, and the importance of having both a mom and a dad

. So, I started on my own looking at profiles on LDS Family Services. That was a bit overwhelming. I had no idea what I was doing. I was only 5 weeks pregnant; I hadn’t contacted LDS Family Services yet. I didn’t know that I was choosing a couple REALLY early in my pregnancy, I thought that was normal.

As I was looking at all the profiles, they all seemed like normal people I would love to place my baby with…Some more than others.

How was I supposed to chose?

I prayed for help. I prayed for comfort. That is when I saw the profile that changed my life. I was curious when I saw ‘Jared and Amanda E54’ (That will make more sense later). It didn’t have blinking and scrolling text. Their pictures weren’t interchanging. It was the only profile with a letter and number next to their name.

I clicked on it.

Their profile was simple and fun to read. Their pictures showed they loved each other very much. They both had steady jobs. I can’t tell you how many times I revisited their profile that day and from there on out.

That next day, October 6, 2007, I sent them an email telling them I was pregnant. I emailed them through the LDS Family Services website and little did I know I just left them my mailing address, not my email address. When I didn’t get a reply in my email, I was thinking they weren’t interested or another birthmother had contacted them already.

I was so eager.

My brother, Kenyon worked with a guy who he and his wife were looking to adopt again. He told me his name, so I looked them up and emailed them…I gave my email out on this one and got an email right back. I had told them that I was pregnant, but wanted a closed adoption. We emailed back and forth for a few days and then I realized how hard that would be for me (at the time) that this guy works with Kenyon and this woman takes her kids into the

pediatrician where Holly works. They would see my baby. I didn’t think I could handle that. Things fell into place and that is when I got a letter in the mail from Jared and Amanda. I couldn’t believe I didn’t give them my email! As soon as I got that letter, I rushed to my computer and quickly emailed them.

Since that letter, we emailed each other about every week. I knew I wanted them to be my baby’s parents. Throughout my pregnancy, I had thoughts that I wanted to keep my baby, but then the thoughts would turn right around and I knew I couldn’t. I made a promise to myself and to Jared and Amanda, that I was having this baby for them. I knew that they had been let down by a birthmother before and I could not do that to them. I wanted to put them on a firm hold, but because I wasn’t far enough along (about 13 weeks) they could only put them on a soft hold. So, for Christmas I gave them a photo album that has a 5x5 slot in the front and put Max’s first ultra sound picture in it and gave that to them and in a card told them I would love for them to be my baby’s parents. They kind of already knew that I had chosen them. ;)

We had our first face to face in the first part of January 2008. They asked me how I decided to choose them out of all the profiles. So, I told them about the ‘Jared and Amanda E54’. It didn’t sound very impressive like the stories some girls have…but it was mine. We didn’t know what the ‘E54’ meant; their casework explained that it is because they are located up in the Farmington Agency. We thought it was interesting and then continued on in conversation. (There IS more significance to the E54…you just gotta keep reading)

At 20 weeks I went in to see the perinatologist. The ultra sound tech was doing the ultra sound checking everything before the doctor came in, taking measurements, etc. That is when she discovered Max had a cleft lip. I was by myself, so I didn’t know how to react. I was afraid, I felt alone, at fault. I called my mom hysterically crying, not knowing what to do. She came over and met me and we talked. My first thoughts when I found this out, I just wanted to take care of my baby. I wanted to hold him, love him, and take care of him. I didn’t how to tell Jared and Amanda about the cleft lip and how they would take it. I called Lauren, my caseworker through LDS Family Services. She then called their caseworker to tell them. I received an email from them the next day telling me that they have felt a sweet spirit throughout my pregnancy and still feel the same sweet spirit.

My next appointment with Lauren (My case worker with LDS Family Services) went really well. After finding out that my baby had a cleft lip, she discovered that the Farmington Agency works the most with clefts and has a lot of resources. Going back to ‘Jared and Amanda E54’.

Maybe my story is pretty amazing after all?

The Lord sometimes works in mysterious ways.

He led me to this wonderful couple.

The Lord had already chosen them to be Max’s parents...I just had to find them.

Max's Surgery

Max had his surgery!! On September 26, 2008, Dr. Siddiqi repaired Max's cleft lip up at Primary Children's Hospital. You can go to Jared and Amanda's blog that goes into a little more detail. :)

I think I see a smile coming on!! He's such a tough boy! Look how good and quick he's healing up!!

A day to remember

Yes. I have slacked off a little bit. Ok, a lot. Where HAS the time gone? Here are the pictures, thee ADORABLE pictures of thee most handsome boy EV-ER.
How do I even begin to describe this day?
Well, first of all, it was long ago on September 14, 2008. We had this planned for weeks for Jared, Amanda and Max to come down for Sunday dinner before Max had his surgery (Another post, coming soon to a blog near you ;) ). I was counting down, anticipating that night, super excited. It was a great night. It was a fabulous night. It was an uh-mazing night. Jared and Amanda came to my house first and then we drove to Teressa's for dinner. We sat in my living room for a minute to hold Max and have him to ourselves. I could not believe how much he had grown in the month that I saw him last. He was full of smiles and giggles.
I have never seen a happier baby!
Especially at that age, giggly and smiley as he is---it is way too cute!

I loved holding him. I loved feeding him. I loved kissing him. I loved watching him sleep. I loved looking at him and staring into his beautiful blue eyes.
I did share.....after awhile.

The babes, 3 months apart. She kept wanting to grab him, he just wanted to suck his fist.

This is what happens when you enter the Virchow's, baby boys get dressed up as girls. By the look on his face, I don't think he appreciated it much---neither did Jared. hee hee
When Drake was a baby, he was such a beautiful baby, Emily put a dress and headband on him and he looked just like a little girl! Sorry boys, that's what you get for being so beautiful.

He doesn't like to be held like if you can tell. When he's laying on the ground, he'll literally lift his head up off the ground...
talk about a strong boy!

I love him! He's such a cutie patootie!

I really love this picture.

Yeah, I know, my mom can't keep her eyes open in ANY picture...
it's still a cute picture.

Aww, they're so cute. I love them.

This was the funniest part of the night. Amanda layed Max down to change his diaper. When she was finished, me, Teressa and Aly went over and started playing with him. Emily was taking pictures of the whole event. Holy cow. Teressa had him giggling so hard, my cheeks hurt so bad afterwards from laughing and smiling!

Aly and Teressa...They shared sometimes too.

Hadley Mae and Max

Willow and Max. She was at girls came when he was born, so this was her first time seeing him--and her birthday!

I love this picture, it's so precious!!

Saying our goodbyes. Talan gave good kisses...
he was about to eat Max.

That was a great night. I am so grateful to have Jared and Amanda in my life. I have tried to explain it to them, and I don't know if it made sense at all to them, but I'll try to say it now. I am so grateful to be a member of The Church and know the truth. The Lord has truly blessed me and lifted the weight off my shoulders. The Lord has helped me so that when I see him, it's not hard, when I have to say goodbye, it's not hard. My love for Max is truly unconditional and he holds a special place in my heart and always will. I am so grateful that I have chosen an open adoption. When I was going through the adoption process, I was very hesitant on the openess. Now, I wouldn't have it any other way. Max is the best thing that has happen to me and I'm so very grateful he is with Jared and Amanda.